Orihime's Crack
by Univerasal Disaster
Summary: looking for those elusive crack pairings such as Shinji/Orihime, Ikkaku/Orihime, and the rest of those bleach boys? Well look no further here are some for you crack addicts!K-T
1. IkkakuOrihime

Lex: *cough* I apologize for falling off the face of the earth, but everytime I tried to write-wait- -*gasp*- I don't have to explain! *evil cackle*

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He was was soft

She kept things hidden , he said whatever he thought

She healed wounds, he inflicted them

Two completely different people, from completely different worlds.

But for some reason Orihime felt drawn to him, ever since their first encounter in Soul Society, then the parallel world between the worlds thing(1), she would find herself occasionally thinking of him at the most random times, then it was generally followed by an ice cream craving.

By the time the threat of the winter war loomed, and Ikkaku came to school, she found herself thinking about the older man a fact if she had to say It herself then she ws starting to think about him more then Ichigo. Orihime stopped on the sidewalk , grocery bag in one hand as she stopped and tilted her head in thought.

She was thinking about Ikakku-kun more then kurosaki-kun! But what did that mean? Orihime frowned, then patted her cheeks, 'frowning won't help me! Maybe I should ask Rangiku about this' she thought immediately perking up and smiling as she walked down the street back to her apartment.

Opening the door she was greeted by Rangiku, Hitsuguya, Ikkaku and Yachimoto all sitting at her table. "Welcome home!" Rangiku said waving her seat farthest from the door.

"I'm sorry, didn't know more people were coming for dinner, I'm not sure if the groceries I bought were enough!" she said as the others looked at the strange assortment of goods in her bag.

"Oh that's all right, Ikkaku I and I were about to leave anyway" yachimoto said with a smile standing up in his gigai, while Ikkaku grumbled on the floor.

"Why are we leaving?" Ikkaku said staring at Orihime for a second then quickly switching to yachimoto(2).

"Because you're not staying here and so you should go fend for yourself!" Rangiku said with a finger in the air as if pointing out the obvious to a child.

"Would you shut up woman, I didn't ask you!" Ikkaku said glaring at the busty strawberry-blonde.

"Well you're the one thinking about taking advantage of poor Orihime and her kind heart!" Rangiku countered as Hitsuguya tried his best to ignore the noise as he worked over some papers.

"would you stop being so lewd woman, you know very well ill get when I'm not wanted!" Ikkaku said the smallest tinge of pink on his cheeks, Orihime stared at the ruckus, perplexed.

Rangiku stuck out her tongue, "oh dear you've made her angry" Yachimoto said sighing

"I wouldnt mind you taking advantage of me…" Orihime said with a smile , the argument immediately stopped even Histuguya looked up and stared at Orihime, Ikkaku's face was slowly turning as red as his eyelids.

"Surely you can't be serious Orihime" Rangiku said confusion written on her features.

"I wouldn't mind at all, Ikkaku is well mannered and really strong, so why not?" she said now even more perplexed. Yachimoto looked like he about to laugh, and Hitsuguya looked shocked.

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FIN…or is it? lol shes just so innocent I had to make fun of her and I might make a part two if your lucky ^^

1. memories of nobody movie, I merely guessed she thought of it that way,

2. I cannot spell his name to save my life

onto the next crack fic and other stories since I'm writing again


	2. IkkakuxOrihime

Disclaimer: *drags Byakuya out from the studio for a moment* Universal Disaster

Does not own Bleach, rice balls from convenient stores or any of the characters mentioned in this FANFICTION she does however completely own you, *puts script down and walks away*

U.N.:teehee anyway cute little one-shot, and Hitsugaya gets scared for life

Orihime stared at the rows of rice balls in the convenient store shelf, trying to decide if one row was fresher then the others, she faintly heard the bells on the door as someone else came in and walked up behind her.

"inoue-san" a deep voice said from behind, looking over her shoulder she smiled.

"Madarame-san" she replied happily clapping her hands together. "It's been awhile , how are you ?" she asked her voice getting more concerned when she saw the banages wrapped around his neck and arms.

Immediately he noticed where the redheaded tennagers gaze had gone and ighed. "training accident, nothing to serious….." he said passively, she looked a bit doubtful but nodded anyway, he shifted a tad awkwardly in front of her "so anyway, why are you here, I thought you cooked all your own food?" he questioned

She laughed nervously. "Well you see I was making some caramel stir-fry and I saw this new got milk commercial on T.V. which made me think of that alien cartoon where the aliens come down and steal all earth's cows! And I got so worried about the cows for a moment that my stir-fry started on fire!" she said, amazingly in one breath.

He blinked. 'well that sounds like her' he thought , "Well is your kitchen okay?" he asked a bit worried the girl might have left the flaming pan in her sink unattended.

"Oh don't worry Madarame-san, I put it in the sink with some cold water and left the window open so all the smoke would leave" she said smiling at his concern.

"Ikkaku" he said

"What?" she asked blinking rapidly.

"I've known you long enough, call me Ikkaku" he said a smirk on his face.

"Okay but you on one condition!" she said smiling

"What's that?" he asked raising a non-existent eyebrow.

"You call me Orihime, and you let me heal you, oh wait I guess that's two…."she mumbled the last part

"Alright fine then, that's fair I guess, Yumichika will just have to fend for himself for diner" he chuckled as Orihime's face lit up again.

"I almost forgot" she said grabbing about thirty riceballs and paying for them quickly with Ikkaku close behind.

"do you need any help carrying those things?" he asked his wooden sword leaning against his shoulder.

"Oh its fine Ikkaku-kun" she said adding his name mainly so she could taste it roll her mouth. "I do this all the time, plus our injured, it'd wouldn't make any sense if I made you carry my heavy bags!" she stated leading the way back to her apartment.

They were on the stairs when it hit him like a stack of bricks he was about to go into a teenage girls apartment, and since Histugaya and Rangiku were out scouting for more arrancar tonight they would, more importantly, be _alone. _By the time this thought went through his head it was too late as she ha already opened the door and was stepping inside.

Setting the bags down in the kitchen she shut the small window above the sink, where a still steaming pan sat in some water, getting two plates she began to unwrap a dozen for each, once again the spear wielding warrior was slow on the uptake.

"you didn't have to buy extra ones for me, you could've just healed me…." He stated as she set the plate down in front of him at his seat at the table.

"Well I couldn't eat in front of you and not give you something!" she said stting her own plate down and going over to a cupboard. "Now what do want as a topping? Theres soy sauce, hot sauce, barbeque, chocolate, I used the last of the caramel for the stir fry, um onions,-" "just soy sauce is fine" he interrupted before before she could begin to list even stranger things.

She grabbed the aforementioned sauce and came to sit at the table across from him, after eating in a bit of an akward silence, at least fro ikkaku because she generally wasn't this quiet, and it worried him.

Once they were finished she took their plates to the sink. "so what do you need me to do?" he asked sitting their.

"what?" she asked back blinking.

"this healing thing you do, is their anything you need me to do?" he asked as she realized she'd never healed him before.

"oh no, all you have to do is sit still." She smiled nervously as she came up to him and summoned her fearies, not even bothering to call out their names as they formed a shell over Ikkaku.

Almost instantly, the painful buzz in his shoulder and neck evaporated as a warmer, softer feeling engulfed it. This lasted for only minute or two before the orange orb separating him from her was gone.

He rubbed it and held his arm out and did some small circles. "Good as new!" he shouted hopping up as Orihime started in from of him. He stopped though and sat back down, "thanks the pains all gone now." Then she looked a bit worried.

"I should've asked if it was bothering you so much before we ate." She said with a frown realizing she had let him eat while he was in pain.

"Don't worry about it" he smirked. "Is there anything I can do in return?" he asked expectantly.

"oh no! I did this so I could call you Ikkaku-kun!" she said a tinge of pink on her face.

"Come on their's got to be something" he asked.

"Well" she blushed her face nearly as red as her hair. "close your eyes…" she said in almost a whisper, he blinked rapidly for a second before closing his eyes obediently. In the darkness he felt her breath on his face before she timidly, brushed her lips over his, his reaction was instinctual and more then a bit primal as he kissed her fiercely back his arms pulling her closer to him as her arms snaked themselves around his neck.

He bit her bottom lip and was rewarded with a muffled mewl, then the neighbors loudly slammed their door shut startling the two so that ikkaku's weight shifted and they both fell to the floor her skirt gathering at her waist with ikkaku's right between her legs.

Then they heard the door open. Four pairs of eyes greeted the two as Orihime's blush deeped to almost inhuman colors.

"Um, Its not what it looks like?" Ikkaku said after a moment to Hitsugaya, Rangiku, Yumichika, and a startled Renji.

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Yeah I know people this took way tomuch time off of writing for other fics, why aren't you working on other things, yada yada yada.

Well I'm working on the next chapter for Naruto hotline, and this was done as an easter present to torment a friend of mine who has no clue how this couple would happen.

I want to right a Nejihina fic for her but I value my life to much, so please review or ill sick Chuck Norris on your most favorite piece of furniture!


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